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Things We Don't Talk About by Christy Reynolds

I'm tired. Those two words say everything you could ever need to know about me. I'm tired, I think to myself as my 5 am alarm goes off, and then again when it rings at 5:30. I'm tired, I say as I start laundry, wake kids, feed dogs, sweep floors, and find clothes for everyone. I'm tired I say, as I start my morning push-ups and again when I do my ab workout with my husband, and yet again as we go for our 1 mile run or our 3 mile walk. I'm tired as I clean surfaces, cook meals, and make his lunch for work. I'm tired as I clean sinks and toilets and tired as I wash my hands for the 6th time in 20 minutes. I especially tired every time my germaphobia stops me from living a normal life and tired of living this life every time it affects the people I love. I want to hug my children, and touch my husband with no hesitation or second thoughts. Some days, when the people I love point it out or get irritated or angry over it... well I wonder if this life, my life is even worth living. I am hyper vigilant of what I and everyone around me has touched at all times. I can't brush up against a counter or table without evaluating who has touched it since I last cleaned it. I can't use my own bathroom without cloroxing the door knobs, toilet, counter, sink, and wall next to the toilet. I can't sit on my couch without soaking it in Lysol first. If I accidentally brush up against something that is "contaminated" I have to change clothes, or even shower. It never ends and the constant anxiety, fear, and shame are exhausting. When I can't "celebrate" an accomplishment because no one understands that, for me, not cloroxing my yoga mat before using it is enough to cause my heart to race and my palms to sweat, because for them, it's just a normal day. So, yes, I'm tired.

update 9 22 2019

Starting My Vegan Journey by Christy Reynolds

Living in a rural area, in the south means, at least for me, being surrounded by fast food, steakhouses, bar and grills, all you can eat Chinese food, and an occasional Mexican restaurant.  Growing up, it wasn't a meal if it didn't include meat and potatoes.  As a teenager, I tried going vegetarian, but with little to no information, and no one to turn to for advice, i actually got sick.  I'm not sure why, but my best guess is a vitamin deficiency or not getting enough calories...who knows?  As an adult, I have never really consumed a ton of meat, but I did still have it fairly regularly.  I had already switched to meat substitutes from Gardein, Morning Star Farms, and Quorn when cooking at home, and talked about trying vegetarianism again, but for some reason still hadn't made the switch.  One day, for whatever reason, I started doing internet research on the meat industry, the impact on our planet, and what the over consumption of animal production does to our bodies.  What I found on animal cruelty alone pushed me to make the switch.  While my surroundings haven't changed, I still live in rural Alabama, and I've hit a few bumps along the way, I'm fully Vegan now.  I still have to navigate eating in restaurants, the holidays, and I'm currently suffering from a B-12 deficiency, but through all of this I'm learning to overcome obstacles and becoming healthy.

Logan the movie review

Let me start off by saying this was a great movie. With that I will also say it's probably not for everyone. Logan, or Wolverine has been a part of our lives for the past 17 years or so due to the X-Men films. Since this is going to be Hugh Jackman's final time playing the role it is an appropriate farewell to such a prolific character. This is only movie in the entire franchise that has portrayed Logan in a light that truly feels right. The Wolverine was not a nice character. As a matter of fact he was pretty hardcore as far as Marvel comics goes. With this I have to say this is not a kid friendly movie. Even though one of the main characters is a child, it still a blood bath of a film. It's not like the rest of the X-Men films that are PG13, it's rated R and for definate good reason. The language alone made it that way, and the gore also contributed to the rating. If you are a fan of Hugh Jackman's character Logan and a fan of how the Wolverine is supposed to be played you will probably love it.

The characters in this film are really the driving force behind it. Patrick Stewart, along with new comer Dafne Keen round out the stars of the film. We have a few other characters, that really support the story but our three main characters are going to make you feel all the emotions of the movie. Patrick Stewart reprised his role as Professor X  and has reported that this will also be his final time playing the role. Jackman and Stewart are so familiar with these characters that it comes through every emotion in every scene from the beginning until the end. The best part of this rollercoaster ride is that it is all raw. Even the cinematography in this film seems mostly stripped away to just focus on the story. This is not to say that there are no special effects, but it seems to just be enough and not overly so to make the film more exciting. Seeing Logan and Charles Xavier being more relatable to regular people than heroes is an awesome ending to such a great part of the franchise. Even though Jackman and Stewart carry the bulk of the film, Keen holds her own against the powerhouse of talent in the former.

The plot starts out in a not too distant future with an ailing Professor that is being cared for by Logan. Actually we soon find that mutants are vanishing and that even the Wolverine is having his own problems with health, which is something we never thought possible with his healing abilities. The adventure begins from the outset and rolls right on through to the end, but not without some of the most gut wrenching of emotional situations peppered in there with them. If you don't choke up a little bit throughout this film you probably weren't a fan to begin with.

To recap, this probably the best movie from the X-Men franchise. It's not a film for younger children and maybe some uptight adults, because there is language, one nude scene and a whole lot of killing. If you are looking for a more human version of a hero movie with superheroes this is for you. I have said in the past that I wished I had gone to see this one in the theaters, but either way I am glad I own it now for my personal collection.

How to make yourself happy

I have never planned to make this blog a self help type of thing. I can't fix anyone, especially myself. I can offer up some discoveries about life I have learned in my 41 year trek on this planet. One of the things I have learned is that life is much happier if you don't worry about what people think about you. The people that matter to you will keep loving you, and the ones that don't keep loving you don't matter. I know we all have parents, husbands, wives, friends, and probably a list of people we don't want to hurt with the things we want to say about how we feel about things. If I love you enough to tell you how I really feel about something, then you should know that you are important enough for me to trust. I trust you enough to handle whatever it is I am willing to tell you. If I am wrong about someone, and believe me I have been wrong, and they take off, that's on them. I have grown comfortable with the fact that I am an awesome person and people should be jumping at the chance to know me. Say what you will about being conceited or whatever but if you don't know your own self worth, that's not my problem. Another thing that will get you farther in life is to stop waiting on folks. You can't waste your time waiting for people to change. It's hard for most people to do it so be prepared when folks don't. I can't tell you the number of times I've heard people tell me that such and such is a good person, they just have problems. Nowadays I just smile at these people and walk away wishing them good luck. Here's the skinny, if such and such isn't willing to give you what you need, then you shouldn't be with them. Maybe you should just go live your life and do your own thing. Lastly, don't be afraid to be alone. For some reason a bunch of folks are afraid that they can't make it like that. I can't do it by myself is bullshit. If you can't make it alone, you can't make it with someone. Learning to be independent is what makes us know what it is that we need in other people. The best mates complete us, not compete with us. Anyway, take it for what it is and do what you want with this information. I'm not here to tell you how to live your life, but this is how I do it for now. Remember, we are never to old to learn something new.